By Sarah Lee marks

Age is just a number to many. However, there are young eighty year olds and newly retired ‘old’ seventy-agers. How do you have the conversation about retiring the drivers’ license? As a trained, certified safe driving instructor I have taught future teen drivers and adults with millions of miles behind them. The hardest conversation to have is the one ending the feeling of instant independence.How do YOU do it? My top 10 tips.

  1. When there has been a crash, fender-bender or new scrape on the bumper matching the opposite bumpers, its time to suggest driving isn’t safe for the driver or the public. A doctor is often required to determine driving capabilities when certain medical conditions apply. Prescribed and over-the-counter medicines can have counter-indications altering proper driving reaction time. Contact the pharmacist regarding driving while on such mixed medicines and supplements in the presence of the driver in question.
  2. Doctors should be notified when a crash has occurred, regardless of fault, by their patient. As a respected voice of knowledge and authority, trusted friend to the individual involved, the doctor should recommend the curtailing of driving, once informed of the most recent issues. FORM
  3. DMV. Many Motor vehicle departments have EVALUATION REVIEW forms available. These allow the concerned citizen to contact the licensing authorities. Once received, the driver will be contacted to be retested. The testing could include an eyesight exam and behind the wheel exam. If the driver has had a recent (90 day) eye exam by a licensed doctor, this could assist the evaluator. The DMV does not have to disclose who gave them the information.
  4. Family intervention. Have a plan for getting the restricted driver to and from appointments and activities should be considered before approaching the subject. Friends, community services, churchs, public transportation for those requiring assistance and local volunteer groups can be amazing resources to keep mom or dad from feeling captive.
  5. Reasoning and logic. The fact that auto insurance premiums and vehicle fatalities sky-rocket once a driver reaches 80, is not a coincidence. While adults drive less miles as they reach 70 and beyond, the number of vehicle incidents increase dramatically per mile driven. Recommend the AARP Driver Safety class as a tune-up for mature drivers. The driver could receive a discount on their insurance for up to 3 years. Refusing to take the class could be seen as a sign of denial. Taking the class in person allows the driver to see they are not alone, and ask questions of the trained instructor. (Offered online too.)
  6. Guilt. Addressing the facts in a group has to be delicately balanced with the emphasis on keeping everyone safe. A deadly crash can occur in one mile or 100, proximity and knowledge of the area is no protection from another driver at fault causing a deadly crash where attention and avoidance would have made the difference. “I like to say, it’s not how good you drive, it’s how bad everyone else is behind the wheel”.
  7. Books to help navigate the process. Hartford Insurance has put the words in your mouth. Download or order these free guides and share with everyone involved in the conversation. https://www.thehartford.com/resources/mature-market-excellence/family-conversations-with-older-drivers
  8. Driving schools and Medical evaluations. When mom and dad are in total denial, it may be time to hire a professional driving instructor and/or medical evaluator to give them a review. Understanding the outcome could be not to their liking, or yours. Put some stipulations on your expectations before engaging. Cost can be $100.00 hour and up. Your DMV may also have recommendations for occupational therapists and other medically trained personal who perform driving evaluations.
  9. Vehicle safety. Older cars are not necessarily the best vehicle for an aging driver. The lack of new safety features and tiring rubber create a concern for ROI. When the cost of maintaining an older vehicle, insurance and registration doesn’t pencil, it’s time to retire the car. Spending more than $500.00 a visit to keep an 8+ year old vehicle running is not a great way to make a car payment.
  10. The Letter. Not long ago we had this conversation with my father-in-law. He willingly gave up the keys and the car to help pay for living expenses and knowing he no longer felt confident behind the wheel. At that time my daughter asked us, her parents to write a letter to her, promising to give up the keys and car, when she felt we were endangering ourselves or others. This letter included a promise not to argue the point, since we trusted she would use this tool with discretion. We wrote the letters and secured them in her hands. Credit one smart kid, she knew “MyCarLady” wouldn’t go easily…