Hello Dealers. This is an open letter to all the car salesmen, and their respective dealers. Dear Mr. Dealer,      If you want me, (an intelligent, articulate, attractive, middle-class woman) to buy a car from you, could you please consider a few of the following… First, remove the gaggle of salesmen standing around your dealership entrance; smoking, spitting, eating, drinking and generally giving your business the look and feel of a boys camp on visitor’s day. I appreciate the signs marked, SOLD, but I’m parking in the open space closest to the door. If I can’t find a place to park or get caught in your best rat maze lot configuration, I’m high-tailing it to the exit, too bad if your salesman is still holding onto the handle to my car.  Thanks for leaving me alone to find my way to the used cars or the model year left-overs.  I like the clearly marked areas designated by model. It’s clever to keep the colors together so I can find the options I want, on the color I want, rather than making me walk 100 miles to read every tenth sticker. BTW, the extra, color-coded sticker with the “adjusted market value option,” please explain what exactly is the use/function of a “market value option”?  To all the salesmen that keep approaching me to ask if I need “HELP”, please remove the gum, toothpick or cigarette from your lips before speaking.  Drop the Honey, Sweetie, Sistah, Doll, Where’s your husband, Is this your sister?  I will ask for help from a knowledgeable salesperson, inside the building, once I visit your service department and ladies room. If your service department is as clean as the ladies room, and the folks waiting in customer “lounge” aren’t hostile, I will ask for a recommendation of a good sales person, and if he or she is still working there, I might be inclined to inquire about taking a test drive. You see, the manufacturer, not your crazy screaming ads with unrealistically low prices, got me to come look at the model I’m interested in, but it’s up to you and your staff to convince me yours is the place I should buy my next car.  Thanks to the Internet, I already have a fairly good idea what I will pay. I’ve researched my trade-in value and consulted my own banker on financing options.    So, please don’t lie to me about rebates and incentives being available only to farmers in Algeria and warranties that aren’t. I want to take a test drive for a reasonable period of time, without a chatterbox asking me if I like the color, am happily married, or noticed all the cup-holders?  I appreciate your time is as valuable as mine, so if I make you an offer for the car I just drove, please don’t give me a puppy-dog face and act insulted, annoyed or indignant. I’ve had enough guilt and games in my life. Don’t give me the age-old line, “I have to ask my manager,” or bring in someone else as “the manager”.  Don’t try to humiliate or embarrass me, I’ve got the names and addresses of six other dealerships in my pocket. Just tell me yes or no, and don’t say yes, so you can “make a mistake” later. All I ask is that we make the transaction time as easy as self-checkout at the grocery.    I have my financing arranged, title in hand and price confirmed.  I will shake your hand on the deal, if your handshake is your word, as mine is. Please don’t play games with the numbers, or verbiage, I have no patience for insincerity, which I can spot a mile away. For my new car experience, all I ask is a washed, dried, fully gassed car with no dealer stickers on the tailgate.  A lesson on the features and I’m out the door. Total deal time: under three hours. BTW, if I tell you I’m comparing many models, don’t bad mouth the competition,. Talk up your company and let me find my way back to you without the high pressure. If I’m not carrying my wallet, I’m not buying TODAY. Don’t call me, I’ll call you. Constant pestering won’t drive me back to your lot, just further away. Thanks for your cooperation, your future customer. Ms. Anonymous car buyer.]]>